A Funeral In Another Christmas...

My Aunt Pat Lira

Christmas is that time of year when everyone goes frenzy over shopping, gifts, food and boozes. It's something that my kids look forward to every year and so does every Filipino family that I know. Well-wishers text each other just to say merry Christmas as early as December 20th of each year. Doorbells ring with neighbors bearing sweets for the holidays. As a child, I remember spending Christmas dinner at my Aunt Pat Lira's place where everyone is present. We share family recipes and specialties and exchange gifts with the entire clan. Each one for sure bears a token gift at the end of the night. This is how I remember my Christmas way back when I was a kid. This Christmas season was a little different from the others. After a long while that type of text message on your phone which anyone don't want to read comes and tells you that there's another death in the clan.

My Aunt Pat Lira just passed away on December 20th, 2011. She was rushed to Veterans Hospital because of her prevailing heart ailment. My mom had a chance to talk to her the day before and she was still very strong. They talked about things that the family would do once their sisters Aunt Menchu and Bing comes this January. They ended their phone conversation and gave each other their usual "I love yous." It never occurred to my mom that it was the last time they'll talk to each other.

Aunt Pat with Macky Saavendre, my nephew

Veterans Hospital caters to enlisted men in the Armed Forces of the Philippines. They also serve their immediate family members. Widows are also entertained by the hospital and in some rare cases, even referrals of people in power. What's sad to note is that they don't allow family members to hang around at night to cater to a sick family member's needs. Visiting hours are strictly observed. They only allow a 5 minute glimpse of the patient if a visitor insists in seeing a loved on in their care. That day she died, my cousin Mary Ann noticed that her respirator was disconnected at the start of visiting hours. She called the attention of the nurses and asked how long it has been disconnected. No one would give her a straight answer. A patient in a nearby bed said that it must've been disconnected when Aunt Pat had her sponge bath from a nurse. They probably failed to reconnect it that time. It was around 6 am when she got her sponge bath. It was already mid morning when they allowed my cousin to come in and check her out. So she's been  struggling with her breath since then. This probably triggered her heart attack. Mary Ann remembers going out for a while. When she came back, my cousin noticed doctors pumping her chest. In a little while they declared that she's gone. The effort to revive her wasn't exerted to the fullest. That's how government health service is to immediate family members of soldiers who served and even died for the Republic.

My Aunt Baby with Dale Ramos, her grand daughter

After a long period of time, the clan gets together again for a reunion. This time, it's not in the big Lira house in Project 8 Quezon city but in a funeral parlor along Katipunan road. Almost everyone with a Buenavista last or middle name was there to say their farewell to one great aunt. The last time we did a get together was when my aunt Baby Aurora died of a heart ailment as well. I remember the calls I got on that busy day. Each one of us has to go to Medical City Hospital in Ortigas to say our goodbyes. Her life support was shut off and will go anytime. I was the last one who gave her a goodbye kiss in her hospital bed. I whispered how much I love her and said goodbye. After I left the hospital, a text message came in announcing to every member of the family that my aunt Baby is in God's arms... This aunt of mine never misses my birthday every year. She'll make it a point to call me up and greet me and ask me what I'm serving on my birthday. Honestly, I miss those calls she makes. Last June was the first time I didn't get a call from her. Deep inside me, I'm still foolishly waiting for a call. My mind can't accept the fact that she's gone even to this day.

Uncle Tony and cousin Ramon

Fifteen years ago, I lost a special uncle in my life. Uncle Tony was my hero and friend. I make it a point to drop by his home and taste his scrumptious cooking. He would introduce me to his drinking friends and we'd share a shot of local brandies and beer together. Our most unforgettable adventure was a trip in Singapore where we literally painted Orchard road red! We'd go window shopping, Fast food taste fest and queue up for designer store's giveaways. That's one Christmas season we had together in Singapore. He's the typical eat, drink and be merry type of guy. He stopped smoking only when the big C was on stage 3. I remember shaking off that thought every time I see him and make sure that everything was still normal when we talk about the good ol' days. He would always tell everyone about his Singapore adventure with me. When he was rushed to the hospital for the last time, I didn't want to see him suffer in his deathbed. Everyone prayed that he just gets a painless death with less suffering. God was good enough to answer our prayers.

Aunt Pat's death completes the "Tupak Gang," a small group of relatives and friends who frequent Tupak, Ilocos at least once a year. Aunt Pat will initiate a trip call in Aunt Baby and Uncle Tony and off they go to Tupak Ilocos. Everyone of that small group are now in heaven and we were talking about them being complete now. In one of their adventures, my cousin Erwin Lira would tell about stories of that enjoyable and memorable trip. We lay her peacefully beside my Aunt Baby and Uncle Tony in Himlayan Filipino in Tandang Sora. We have to keep the wake short for it was Christmas season. We buried her on the 23rd of December. The funeral van played Apo Hiking Society songs as her coffin was gradually slid down the ground. I never realized that APO Hiking Society music is now used by funeral services.

I can't help myself from crying on that day. The losses that we've had in our clan was so much to bear. My mom spearheaded the short speeches portion and I was invited to say a few words which I failed to finish. I saw myself in tears and can't speak out what I have in my heart. I've been holding out on my feelings for every death we have in our clan in the Buenavista side. I reminded everyone that aunt Pat led the family in every major event that we all have to go through. She organized every special moment that the family had and made sure that every spawn of Prospero, my grandfather, were at arm's reach. Loosing her was like loosing the clan's Godmother. I wanted to tell every member of the Buenavista clan that we've all changed in the past years. We lost the bonding moments that we have during Christmas season when everyone gets drunk with nephews and uncles, where girl stories and gossips are shared with aunts and nieces. The only time we get together now is during funerals. I wanted a stop to this practice and revive the traditions we've been accustomed to. Kuya Erwin said that he'll work one out in the coming future and revive what moms, dads, aunts and uncles have shared to all of us.

Christmas is still that best time in the year. I still see the Christmas glow in my children's eyes when they open up their gifts. This coming January, my Aunt Menchu and Bing will be here for a short vacation, and I'm sure their presence will reunite the family and strengthen the Buenavista bond. We'll have that chance to get-together and talk about the love we all have for each other...